What Not to Say in a Eulogy: Gentle Guidance for a Meaningful Tribute
by Steve Pritchard-Jones
Writing a eulogy is one of the most personal things you will ever do.
Most advice focuses on what to include — but knowing what not to say in a eulogy can be just as important.
When emotions are high and the room is full of people who are grieving, sensitivity matters. A few careful choices can make the difference between a comforting tribute and an awkward moment.
Here is some gentle guidance to help you avoid common pitfalls.
1. Don’t Try to Include Their Entire Life Story
A eulogy is not a full biography.
It’s tempting to mention every achievement, every holiday, every job, every anecdote. But when a tribute becomes too long, people can lose focus.
Instead, think of it as a snapshot — a handful of moments that capture the essence of the person.
Quality over quantity always works best.
2. Avoid Private Jokes No One Else Understands
Humour can be beautiful in a eulogy — when it is shared humour.
But very private jokes or stories that only a small group understand can leave the rest of the room feeling disconnected.
If you do include something light-hearted, ask yourself:
Will most people understand this?
Will it feel warm rather than confusing?
If you’re unsure, it’s usually better to leave it out.
3. Be Careful with Embarrassing Stories
A funeral is not the time for stories that could cause discomfort.
Even if something seems funny, consider how it might feel to:
- A spouse
- Children
- Parents
- Close friends
If there’s any risk it could cause embarrassment or hurt, it’s wise to choose a different memory.
4. Don’t Air Family Conflicts
A eulogy is not the place to revisit disagreements, complicated relationships or unresolved tensions.
Keep the focus on remembrance and respect.
Even if relationships were complex, it’s possible to acknowledge someone honestly without reopening wounds.
5. Avoid Apologising for Your Speaking Ability
Many people begin with:
“I’m not very good at public speaking.”
You don’t need to say this.
Everyone in the room understands how difficult the moment is. They are not judging your performance — they are grateful for your courage.
Start with confidence, even if you don’t feel it.
6. Don’t Aim for Perfection
A eulogy does not need dramatic language or polished poetry.
It needs sincerity.
It needs truth.
It needs heart.
If your words sound like you — and they sound like the person you’re honouring — then you have done enough.
A Final Thought
Be kind.
Be thoughtful.
Be real.
A well-delivered eulogy is not remembered for flawless wording. It is remembered for how it made people feel.
If you would like support with writing or delivering a eulogy in Shropshire, Telford or the wider West Midlands, I am always here to help.
— Steve
Top Note Ceremonies
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