Direct Cremation and Saying Goodbye: You Still Have Options
by Steve Pritchard-Jones
In recent months, I’ve spoken with many families who chose a direct cremation for their loved one.
For some, it felt like the perfect choice — simple, affordable, and in keeping with what their loved one wanted. But for others, there was something missing. Not regret about the cremation itself, but regret that they never had the chance to gather, to say goodbye, and to mark the moment together.
And that’s the part many families don’t realise: choosing a direct cremation doesn’t mean you lose the opportunity for ceremony. You still can — and perhaps should — create that space to honour a life.
Why a Ceremony Still Matters
A funeral or memorial, however small or informal, acts as a marker in time.
It’s the pause in life where we come together, share stories, cry, laugh, and begin to process the enormity of what has happened. It’s a chance to support one another, and to celebrate a life that mattered.
Without that shared moment, grief can feel unsettled. Some families describe it as not knowing where their grief “starts.” Others say the absence of ceremony left them feeling unanchored, with emotions bottled up that had nowhere to go.
That’s why I want you to know this: even if you choose direct cremation, you can still have a meaningful farewell — whether before or after.
It Doesn’t Have to Be at the Crematorium
Saying goodbye doesn’t need to be tied to tradition or formal places. In fact, some of the most meaningful ceremonies I’ve been part of have taken place in everyday spaces filled with love and memory:
- 🌸 In the garden they loved to tend
- 🌊 On the beach where family holidays were spent
- 🌳 In a favourite park surrounded by nature
- 🍻 At the local pub where they laughed with friends
- 🕯️ At home, with family gathered close
- 🏨 In a hotel, with space for both ceremony and reception afterwards
The setting is yours to choose. What matters is that it feels true to your loved one’s life and creates a place for connection, remembrance, and comfort.
A farewell can happen anywhere that feels right. What matters most is that it reflects them — their story, their spirit, their life.
How a Celebrant Can Help
Here’s something many families don’t know: you don’t have to go back to your funeral director to arrange a memorial.
As a celebrant I can work directly with you to design a ceremony that feels authentic and personal. I will listen to your stories, guide you through options, and create something unique to your loved one — whether it’s traditional, lighthearted, spiritual, or simple.
And there’s no deadline. This can happen whenever feels right for you — days, weeks, or even months later. Grief has no timetable, and neither does ceremony.
You Deserve the Chance to Say Goodbye
A direct cremation doesn’t mean no farewell. It simply means you have the freedom to shape that farewell in your own way, at your own time, and in a place that feels right.
So, if you’ve experienced a direct cremation and feel you missed the chance to say goodbye, please know: it’s not too late.
A memorial — big or small, formal or informal — can bring peace, healing, and connection.
Because every life deserves to be honoured.
And every family deserves the chance to say goodbye.
🌸 A Memorial as Unique as the Life It Celebrates
When a loved one has a direct cremation, families sometimes feel they’ve missed the chance for a funeral service. But the truth is, you can still have a beautiful farewell — created entirely around the person you love.
There is no fixed script. Every service is bespoke, shaped by memories, stories, music, and settings that reflect their life. It can be simple or elaborate, traditional or light-hearted, formal or relaxed — the choice is yours.
Here’s a gentle guide to how a memorial service might flow:
🌿 Welcome & Setting the Scene
- A warm introduction.
- Words of comfort explaining why everyone is gathered: to remember, to celebrate, to honour.
- A candle lit, or soft music playing as people settle.
🎶 Opening Music or Reading
- A favourite piece of music or song.
- Or a poem or short reading that sets the tone of the gathering.
🕊️ The Life Tribute
- A telling of their story: the milestones, the laughter, the little things that made them who they were.
- This can be shared by the celebrant, a family member, or even several people taking turns.
💬 Memories from Family & Friends
- Space for loved ones to share their own reflections, tributes, or stories.
- These can be arranged in advance, or left open for anyone who feels moved to speak.
🌸 Reflection Time
- A slideshow or photo tribute with music.
- Or simply a piece of meaningful music played as everyone reflects quietly.
✨ Symbolic Acts of Remembrance (optional)
Because the cremation has already taken place, some families find it healing to include a symbolic moment, such as:
- Lighting candles in their honour
- Placing flowers or written messages in a memory box
- Raising a glass together
- Scattering petals, planting a tree, or releasing bubbles outdoors
🌟 Closing Words
- A thank-you to everyone for being part of the farewell.
- Words of comfort, hope, or blessing, chosen to reflect the family’s beliefs.
- A reminder that love and memories live on.
🎵 Final Music & Time Together
- A closing song that feels right — uplifting, gentle, or deeply personal.
- Afterwards, family and friends can continue sharing stories informally at a hotel, pub, hall, garden, or home. This is often where the deepest comfort is found.
💜 Remember: There is no “right” or “wrong” way to hold a memorial after a direct cremation. What matters is that it feels true to your loved one and offers you, your family, and your friends the chance to gather, honour, and heal.
Ready to Start Planning?
🌐 I can recommend excellent venues in Telford, Shrewsbury, Oswestry, and North Wales — from hotels to community spaces — and help you design a farewell that feels personal and special.
📩 For a friendly, no-obligation chat, visit: www.pjtopnote.co.uk
